You really coming over, don't trick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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