dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize