I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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