guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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