If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
