I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
