Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
