so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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