chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
