i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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