woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
