Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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