Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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