I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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