Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
