Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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