now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
