i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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