I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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