Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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