If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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