I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
