I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
