there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
