Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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