Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
