You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
