if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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