This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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