This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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