Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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