i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
