Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
