It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
