Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
