so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im six kinds of drunk right now
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
