I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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