Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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