her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
