Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
