turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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