watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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