i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize