This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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