We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
