at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
