In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
