All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
