watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
