thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
