your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
