Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
its liver damage thursday
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
