Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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