The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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