I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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