if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
