She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
