Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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