He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
