I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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