Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.