We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
And then he peed in my hair
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