Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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