Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
