I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
