I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
