We got so high we made milksteak
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
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my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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