It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't put those talents on a resume
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
