wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
