Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
