why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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